I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
