Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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