Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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