It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
