what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
