There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
