After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
