i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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