Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You had me at "let me see your balls"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
