Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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