he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
