there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
