who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
