Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
