Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
