I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
