If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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