apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
