We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
