please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
