what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize