Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
