life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
