Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
