If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
