i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
