I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We just shotgunned beers for America
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
