You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize