There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
