you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
