He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
