69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
