I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
