Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
