guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
