We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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