What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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