giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
