yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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