ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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