then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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