just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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