I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
