My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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