I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
