Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
