I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My ATM looks so different sober.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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