So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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