Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
