this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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