Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
