standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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