R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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