Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
