butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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