Where did you get a picture of my penis
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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