how can u be prego again
look no pants
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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