We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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