So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
