I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
