why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
