wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
