And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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