i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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