i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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