Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
