i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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