just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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