it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
